I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
