are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
