Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
