I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
