She is in my trunk
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
two words...techno handjob
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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