At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
