I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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