I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
