oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just gift wrapped bread.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
