I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
