Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
