We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
