yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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