yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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