just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
