yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
