she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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