oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize