there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
