Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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