I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
