you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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