do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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