I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
