i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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