you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
