And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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