I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
