i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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