Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
