my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I touched a dick in church today
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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