and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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