thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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