I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize