I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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