It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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