i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
