is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
