No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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