fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
