the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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