I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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