I accidentally had phone sex last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
