Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
