I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
