I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
