Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
