So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
