Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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