Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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