Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
