I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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