well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He better not be in your backpack
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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