She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
