Already got asked if we're dating
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
