Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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