That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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