we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
