look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
