Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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