At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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