Duck Duck Cougar?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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