i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
