All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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